I planned to get married at 25

Hi guys!! So this blog is about my journey to faith, confidence, and love. Well, I know that in the past few blogs I've written about my journey to faith and my journey to confidence, but I don't think I've written about my journey to love. So that's what this post is going to be about.

Growing up I had this plan and dream that I'd be married by 25 (guess who's 26 and still single? This girl!!!) Ask me if I'm sad about it (not really). My mum got married at the age of 24, so I'd planned that I'd do it a year after because I thought the number '24' was an odd number to start something on. If you guys don't know it yet, my brain works weirdly. I'm one of those people who can't stand the tv volume being on weird numbers. It either has to end on a 0 or 5. Like please why is it on 37 (eeewwww).

Anyways, I'd kind of had it mapped out in my brain. Get married at 25, have two sets of twins, one boy, and three girls. My thought process was that I didn't want any of my children to ever be or feel alone so my first child had to come with another person so they could be best friends. Then they'd have two little sisters and the boy will have guy advice for his sisters and the girl would have girl advice for her sisters as well. I also didn't want the younger child to come in feeling like a third wheel so she had to come with a sister so they could also be best friends and I could dress them up really pretty. I chose three girls because I cannot come and kee myself with many boys running around my house looooool.

Anyways, obviously, my pre-teen plans didn't work the way I'd mentally mapped them. But nothing in life necessarily works the way you want it to. You can plan and plan and say this is how you want it, but life can throw you a few curveballs. And you know what? That's okay. It's okay to look at your life and acknowledge how different it is from what you'd initially thought you wanted.

I think it's important to acknowledge that we're not the same people we were when we were little. I'm not even the same person I was last year. There's so much development and what I've come to realise, is that if my plan of being married at 25 had come to pass, I wouldn't have been ready for it.

You see, I've come to realise that it's okay to make plans and have desires, but it's also perfectly okay to acknowledge and accept when things don't go to plan.

I'm perfectly happy and satisfied with my life and the fact that I didn't get married then. But, I'm also hopeful for a time when I enter a relationship and get to love and be loved by my husband. It's a pleasure that I look forward to, but I don't feel that I'm at a loss because I don't have it yet.

Don't get me wrong, there have been times when I felt alone or even cried because I desired a partner. But in this walk with God, I've learnt so much. I realised that whenever I felt like there was a space in my heart that needed to be filled, and thought it was a man that needed to fill that spot, it was really a thirst for more. The thing is, that slot can only be filled by God and I've experienced it every time that I've felt it. Whenever I went to God, He would fill me up.

At 25, I didn't really understand that you don't go into a relationship to become whole. Instead, you have to be whole as you and your partner should also come whole. A complete me and my complete partner when joined together in marriage, then become a complete 1.

But I can't wait for my husband to make me whole and neither should he wait for me to make him whole. Instead, we should depend on God to make us whole. I would love to meet my husband, fall in love and get married. But I'm also very happy being where I am and who I am. I think that's the beauty of this journey. Learning that your life can be beautiful regardless of what stage you're in.

So yeah, at the age of 26, I'm single. But at this same age, my life is beautiful. It's filled with God, love, joy, peace, provision, and lessons. As I take each day as it comes, I learn more and become more refined. I grow, stumble, get lazy, get busy, scream from excitement for others, cry (because I can) and laugh loudly because I can.

So what's my point? Enjoy each day as it comes, be hopeful for what's to come, don't lose hope because it didn't go according to plan, and know that everything will work out well.

As usual, know that I love you and more importantly God loves you.

Love,

Esther xoxo