He really cares about me

Hi guys! So today I'm going to be writing about certain moments in my life where I really felt God's love. Specific moments when I knew for a fact that God really cares about me. Not because God blew my mind with a helicopter or because of the big things He's done for me (which I'm so so grateful for). It's because of the times that God has stepped in for the little things bothering my heart and wiped my tears. Things that probably wouldn't have made a difference to my purpose or God's assignment for me etc. But things that mattered to me at the time.

I can't mention all of them because it's happened so many times and there are some that I don't even remember and some that I probably haven't realised, but I figured I'd just mention a few sweet ones. It's the little things that matter sometimes, it's the little things that show care and tender sweetness and it's in these little things that I recognised that God really cares about me, my tears, and my feelings. Each circumstance I'm going to write about involves me crying and God wiping my tears.

So the first occasion that I'm going to mention is my 20th birthday. So while I was in uni, I shared my birthday with two other amazing ladies. I was in the same friend group with one of them and the other lady and I had similar friends, so I always left the birthday celebrations to them. I didn't want to hassle over who would have the night and I guess I had that small insecurity that questioned if my friends would honour my invite, or if they'd honour the invites of our other friends. Anyways, that's not the point of my story.

So around my 20th birthday, my family wasn't the most financially buoyant family at the time. I understood what was going on at the time and I definitely didn't want to disturb my parents or ask them for money etc. But I remember crying on the morning of my 20th birthday. I wasn't really making a prayer request or asking God for anything in particular, but I just had a strong desire to have more.

Sometimes when I'm talking to God, I just tell Him what's on my mind without any requests because God's my best friend. Anyways, I cried, wiped my tears, left it, and stayed happy.

The next year on my 21st birthday, everything was totally different. My parents had more than enough by my next birthday. They even came down to my uni to celebrate it with my friends and I. I also had more than enough at the time. It's like, the things I desired that day on my 20th birthday, were the things that God gave to me the next birthday. It wasn't because we did anything differently, or because I changed, etc, it was just because God had mercy. The change in level was just a gift from God because the different sources of our uplifting were unmerited and full of favour.

I didn't realise the change at the time, but when I thought back on my 20th and 21st birthday, I saw God's kindness shining through.

Another time God wiped my tears away was when I was in the Nigerian Law School. For those of you who don't know, I find it very hard to ask for things. It feels like I'm begging. Please believe me when I say it's not a matter of pride, I just don't know how to and it feels weird to me. Anyways, while I was in law school, I had to do this internship in a different state for 3 months. 6 weeks were spent in court and the other 6 weeks at a law firm. While I was doing my internship, I was staying with my Bishop and his wife (Mama). They're such a lovely couple and they've been an absolute blessing to me.

Anyways, while I was staying with them, my phone stopped working. Now try to imagine this please. I was in a city called Ibadan, it's not the most vibrant city although the largest city in West Africa. I didn't have that many friends around and the ones I did have had a life of their own and were busy. Also, it was super hot and the internet connectivity was etchy. So best believe I had moments where I felt lonely. I'd just left a school filled with friends that I lived with and saw every day, to not seeing them for 3 months, then my laptop stopped working and my phone decided to be a follower and also died on me.

So yes, I'm not ashamed to say that one day I went to God and I cried about it. I didn't ask God to do anything, I was just thinking about it in my heart and I felt lonely. The one connection that I had to the majority of my family and friends was gone. My family was in the UK as well, so I couldn't communicate well with them either. I couldn't use WhatsApp, google, etc.

Yeah I know, it's a privilege to even have these things, but it was enough to make me cry lol. My point is that I cried. Guys guess what? I didn't ask anybody to buy me a phone, I didn't beg anybody to buy me a phone. I simply mentioned in passing to Mama that my phone had stopped working and not long after, on one morning, Mama said "Odunayo, how much are they selling phones these days?" Then she gave me the money to buy a new phone.

Guys!!! I didn't ask her for it, I didn't beg God for it, I just cried about it to God and told Him how I was feeling and God used her to bless me. Guys, the joy and gratitude that filled my heart that day, was beautiful. Just to think that God cared enough about the little things to make that happen. She didn't have to give me the money to buy a phone. She didn't give birth to me, she didn't owe me anything, but she did it nonetheless. I'll forever be grateful to Mama and I'll everlastingly be grateful to God.

The thing is sometimes God uses people to show you that He cares. But they don't have to do it, they can decide to ignore God and God will find someone else to do it. But Mama kindly decided to give. Keeping in mind I was already living in her house and eating her food, she definitely didn't have to do it and God definitely didn't have to give me a phone. But it mattered to me and so it mattered to God and I'll be forever grateful.

Another time I really felt God's love for me was the day before my 24th birthday. I've written about this before, but I don't think it hurts to mention it again. I was in Nigeria at this time and I was feeling so depressed. I mean things weren't the easiest for me, but I could always survive many things by God's grace. But on this day, I don't even know why I was sad. I just felt so overwhelmed with sadness, so much so, that I woke up crying. I went to brush and I was crying, I had my shower that morning and cried the entire time. I got in the keke (3 wheeled vehicle) and cried, I got to my office and cried. Lool I left my desk so many times that day because my heart was overwhelmed with sadness and I couldn't stop crying. I would sneak to the toilet or even to an empty room and try to control my tears.

I remember calling my parents that day and talking to them and I cried on the phone to them. Usually a phone call with them helps, but on this day, I just couldn't. I just couldn't emotionally see any reason to smile. I mean I still smiled in my office to my co-workers, but then I'd go and cry again.

Anyways, after work that evening, on my final lap home (my friend Wiggle used to drive me to a spot at that time, then I'd take a keke to the top of the street I was staying and finally I'd walk 10 minutes to the estate I was staying in). Anyways, on my walk back to the house, I was crying and I started talking to God. Now guys, when I first got to Nigeria, Mama taught a few of us females that we should make the Holy Spirit our best friend, so I decided to talk to the Holy Spirit. I was telling the Holy Spirit that I didn't know why I was so sad. I poured my heart out to Him and my confusion as to why I was feeling this bad and while talking to the Holy Spirit, He spoke to me. Now guys, I'd never really heard the Holy Spirit speak before, but I knew exactly who spoke. He said in other words "you don't have to cry, you have me". Guys, I promise you, that very second, the weight was lifted. The pain I'd been feeling all day, the tears I'd been crying that seemed endless ceased. I was able to genuinely smile. Within the 10 minutes of walking home, I'd gone from broken and sad to joyful and I know with every part of my being that it was God.

He cared enough to place His joy in my heart and wipe my tears with just one sentence. He reminded me that He was with me and that I had no reason to cry because He was with me on my journey. Guys, God's tender care is just too much. Anyways, that further solidified my belief that God cares for me.

Finally, those who know me know that I don't like negativity. I don't like fights, anger and I don't really know how to handle hot tempers. If you look at the people that I've surrounded myself with, one thing you'll notice about them is that the majority of them are calm tempered. I've never really fought with my friends. I can probably count on one hand the number of fighs I've had with my friends, that shows you how calm we all are. Well aside from one of my friends who's one of the sweetest people I've ever met, she flares hot but it's very fast and short and it's not often.

Anyways, there was someone I was having issues with at the time and it was quite frequent. Usually, I run away from conflict (I'm not ashamed to say it lol). I run far away from conflict and people that I know I'd end up in constant conflict with in my personal life. Anyways, I couldn't escape this one and it was really getting to me. I'm really soft guys, like I'm mushy inside so I get hurt easily. Which is why I'm usually careful with my heart and who I surround myself with.

Anyways, we'd been having issues all day and again, in like form, I cried several times that day. Anyways, I had evening service that day and on getting to church, the church was singing a worship song and in my sadness, I started singing that song and worshipping. While I was worshipping, I started to cry and at that very time, my Pastor said that there was someone who was crying and that God was wiping away that persons tears and things would change.

Guys, I kid you not, that same day, everything changed. It was like the fight disappeared into thin air and nothing happened. I don't think people understand how apprehensive fights and real arguments make me. I genuinely don't like it. I grew up being a "yes" person, like I really didn't know how to say no (I've learnt now, kinda). The reason I couldn't say no was cause I didn't want the negativity that came with saying it, that's how much I used to evade negtive situations, but in one night, with one word, things changed.

Now if you don't believe in God, I can understand you being sceptical, but I promise you, I know what I felt and what I've experienced. The tender kindness of God and His concern for me. It's the little things for me guys. Those small things that only someone who cared would take notice of. The little cares and worries in my mind that God showed His involvement in.

I even remember once asking the Holy Spirit for a hug and I got the hug in a really unexpected way (I'm not telling you :P ).

Anyways, my point is, God really cares. He's been so so sweet to me, so whenever you see me waxing lyrics about God, or just being grateful, remember that i have both the big and small moments showing me that God cares. If you ever want to know how it feels to have God's attention, just ask Him and if you struggle with that, please feel free to send me a message or post a comment and I'll definitely respond to you.

Please remeber that I love you and God loves you and most importantly for this post, God cares about every little thing going on in your mind and heart, just pour it out to Him and see what He does.

Esther xoxo